A Credo for my relationships with others

Thomas Gordon, Founder and President of Effectiveness Training developed A Credo, which he described as for his relationships with others.

This is what he wrote. I think it’s relevant for all of us today. Definitely.

You and I are in a relationship, which I value and want to keep. Yet, each of us is a separate person with unique needs, the right to meet those needs.

When you are having problems meeting your needs I will listen with genuine acceptance, so as to facilitate your finding your own solutions instead of depending on mine. I also will respect your right to choose your own beliefs and develop your own values, different, though they may be from mine.

However, when your behavior interferes with what I must do to get my own needs met, I will tell you openly and honestly how your behavior affects me, trusting that you will respect my needs and feelings, enough to try and change the behavior that’s unacceptable to me. Also, whenever some behavior of mine is unacceptable to you, I hope you will tell me openly and honestly, so that I can change my behavior.

At those times when one of us cannot change to meet the other’s needs, let us acknowledge that we have a conflict, and commit ourselves to resolve each such conflict, without either of us resorting to the use of power to win at the expense of the other’s losing. I respect your needs, but I also must respect my own. So, let us always strive to search for a solution that will be acceptable to both of us. Your needs will be met, and so will mine. Neither will lose, both will gain

In this way, you can continue to develop as a person through satisfying your needs, so can I. Thus, ours can be a healthy relationship in which both of us can strive to become what we’re capable of being. And we can continue to relate to each other with mutual respect, love and peace.

That is the Credo, Thomas Gordon, founder and president of effectiveness training, wrote to help people with their relationship with themselves and others.